Life, Death, Grace and Helplessness

I have so much to say. My heart is so heavy. My computer has been in the shop since Friday evening. We watched tornados once again come and disappear Friday evening. We buried my father in law Friday morning. My Mom is very sick once again. And then another cancer diagnosis for a family member that had been in remission. A wonderful church family, blessings on food, prayers, calls, prayers, texts and visits. One of our little boys sick for days with high fever and tonsilitis. Grace, God's grace................ Thank you Lord, for your grace.

I be back soon with a detailed post.

Blessings!

Making Sense of MRSA

It has been over a year since I was first diagnosed with MRSA of the sinuses. I've had just the old fashioned staph infection of the sinuses but then this. We have staph all over our body. Staph is produced in the sinuses, it generally exits your body via your sinus fluids and saliva. My problem is a little different. I have a very low sinus cavity on my right side. As a matter of fact I have some roots from teeth in that very cavity. That cavity does not drain properly. As a matter of fact I have t keep is washed out with saline and salt water (at least a quart a day). If I don't it pools in the cavity, stagnates and forms a crust (sore) over the cavity. The smell is worse that awful. IT is like rotten flesh and it is there until the sore comes off, the fluid is released and it is washed out and the antibiotics have taken hold. The typical sulfa drugs used to treat MRSA I am allergic too. We normally use Doxycycline with a compounded antibiotic nose spray of sorts. I met with the infectious disease doctor recently and my choices are becoming quite limited. I am using the typical regime for now. My other options are pic line or iv antibiotics via hospital stay. The important thing is to keep the MRSA from getting in the bloodstream. Also another concern is that if it got in the bloodstream how quickly it could make contact with the brain. To say I am overwhelmed is an understatement. It is not terminal and I am blessed so I just hold on to that.

The pain and pressure is also a lot to deal with. There are times that the front of my face feels like it could just "pop off"! If I bend down too quickly I have found myself getting up from the floor.

I had sinus surgery for reconstruction(due to breathing issue) and to clean out infection and add silicone to bones to strengthen them. a couple of years ago and that was successful. This however is a whole new story. We have known for a while that this other surgery is a very needed option and I just don't want to think about it. I am running out of options. To break it down this surgery would reconstruct most of my face. There would have to be broken bones, screws, plates, possible cheek implant, teeth pulled and teeth implants added, all while building up that sinus cavity. Dealing with all we are right now is just a hard place.

So, that is where we are with my health. We are trying our best to keep me out of the hospital since we are expecting John's Dad to pass anytime, my sick parents and aunt and so on so forth. I currently have no broken skin lesions (sores outside the nose/sinus cavities). So we are very thankful for that! If you have a extra prayer for healing and another for wisdom they would be much appreciated! God is good and we are hanging on to HIM! Blessings!

Treatment Plan

The ENT called today after speaking with the Infectious Disease doc. They are in agreement that I should stay on the oral antibiotic for 2 more months and the nasal antibiotic as well. I will follow up with the id doc next month and the ENT in March. We will go from there. If they do not think the staph infection is completely gone from the sinuses then I will be sedated and have a pic line put in my arm for iv antibiotics.

I am tired, my head/face always has pressure and sometimes it pains me to wash my face or my hair. My face is swollen and so are my hands. I tend to have a yellow tint to me still. I am weak but my God is strong and I am fighting!!! I am going to have victory over this in Jesus' name! Amen!

Update to Doctor's Visit

Well, I spoke with the ENT that referred me to the infectious disease doc and he was very upset. He will be speaking with the id doc himself and I am awaiting the results of that conversation. So, we shall see.

Wish I Were Feeling Fine

Some of you have been in contact via email, facebook and comments on this blog wanting to know how I am doing. I thought I would just make a post of it.

There is so much pressure in my eyes and below as well as my nose. It is very uncomfortable to say the least. I have some swelling; mainly my hands and face. I have a "yellow" tint to me. The fatigue is bad. I am just so tired and weak. The energy is little. I am not use to this. I am use to going, going, going! LOL

I am still thinking about the phone conversation with the doctor (ENT). He called while I was driving to "town" to get groceries at Wal-Mart with the twins in tow. I found a place to pull of the road as he told me the results and the car was so quiet (I had put a dvd in the player for the boys) and I was thinking I am not that sick, I am headed to Wal-Mart for crying out loud! The more the doctor said the more scared I became; "port, pic line, infectious disease specialist, iv antibiotics, hospitalization, infusions, months for the body to rid itself of this infection". This isn't happening. This can't be happening! Don't they know I have 4 year old twins and both of my parents are sick and I have too much/too many people to take care of?!!

I am home from church today and I think that it has sunk in. I am scared but I am not alone. I have my heavenly Father watching over me, walking with me. I am blessed, I do not have a terminal illness. My illness can be healed; in many ways. God is good and I will praise Him in the storm and will see the sun again soon, I am sure of it.

Blessings!

Starting to Feel the Effects

I am beginning to feel the effects of this dreaded infection. Yesterday was an awful day. The boys are home from school this week and I felt so bad not feeling like doing anything with them. My head hurt so badly and the pressure in my face was almost more than I could stand. By 8pm when John arrived home from work my face and eyes were swollen and I was yellow. I am weak and lightheaded almost always now. By 8:30pm last night I was in the bed. My eyes are bothering me rather badly. They are tired, so very tired.

I go Tuesday the 4th to the infectious disease docto. I am so happy that I am not going to a oncologist!!!! Praise the Lord for all things! I will beat this with your prayers and the Lord's hand over things! Blessings!

Intentions

My intentions were for this post to be Part 2 of my Christmas series but I got the results today from the sinus culture. It could be so much worse and I thank the Lord it is NOT but nonetheless my heart is heavy and burdened tonight. I could use your prayers. I have staph infection in my sinuses. It is bad, very bad. Bad enough that oral antibiotics cannot treat it....we've tried. The words................ port, picc line (sp.), hospitalization, daily infusions (an hour each way to the hospital), infectious disease doctor and iv antibiotics were all mentioned. Very scary stuff. I thank the heavenly Father it is not cancer!!! I praise him for that. I just have a long road ahead of me...."months" were mentioned. Also, I will be seeing the cardiologist asap since there is risk that the infection could reach my heart through the bloodstream. With all my past heart issues it is a good idea to have things checked out.

Anyhow....I will keep you posted. In the mean time.....please pray!

Blessings!

Prayer Needed

The last few weeks have been hard and overwhelming at times. I knew it was coming but it hit hard. I saw the ENT today and I have a a major sinus infection. This is not for the faint of heart. Pictures were taken and there is white puss foaming. it is disgusting. It seems as though the infection has never cleared up....at least all the way (as it should have been). The catheter was very uncomfortable he used to look around and then he took a culture. Oh my! I thought I would come out of the chair. It is a swab on a metal spring! Ouch!!!! He put me on a strong antibiotic (oral) and an antibiotic nose spray. Should know by Tuesday what was grown and then what antibiotic was used to treat it in the petri dish. Therefore, what is needed to treat me with. If it does not clear up...all the way I will be admitted to the hospital to have an iv antibiotic treatment. And with all of that being said.........he is also concerned with my heart. I had open heart surgery at 19 and have been fine since. However, I have not had a check up in the last 5 years. So I will be having a check up soon to make sure the infection has not made it to or effected my heart. So if you could pray I would appreciate it. I feel really bad and the pressure is awful in my face. I am exhausted on top of everything else. Thank you for your prayers!

Meeting New Neurologist

Yesterday I met with a new neurologist. The migraines have been off the charts and I have had a headache now for weeks and weeks. They were just getting worse. So I got wo shots in the new (a combo of cortisone and predisone). Yes, it hurt and quite badly. Then he started me a preventive and well as a new drug combo (Aleve and Reglan), he also gave me the same migraine med I have been taking to use if necessary (Treximet) and then two drugs to help me rest if needed (when all else fells) Vistaril and Phenegran.

I used the ones xceot the last two yesterday to "break" the headache cycle, yesterday and it worked!!! I started the prevenative last night as well. And guess what???? I am headache free!!!! Praise the Lord!!!!

My headaches are caused by so many things. Here is the list as I know now; smelling cigarette smoke (like just walking by someone smoking in front of a store), excess amounts of caffeine, certain aged cheeses, certain spices (cloves and some others), not drinking enough water, constipation, humidity (change in the pressure outside), stress, hormonal changes (around my cycle), nitrates (found in processed meats) and msg (susally found in chinese food).

I had tried some herbal remedies and nothing had worked. I have used every migraine ecedrine and other over the counter migraines pain relievers known. I have also used other prescription migraine meds.

When the neurologist looked behind my eyes he told me he could not believe the amount of pressure back there. He asked me how much pain I wa in and I told him not much, it was not as bad as it gets. I could still talk and carry on a converstaion like normal and I had driven myself the hour there. He said unbelieveable, that most people cannot function when he sees that much pressure there.

I am so glad to have something that works. I will keep a headache calendar for a month and then see the doctor again then. Please pray that this keeps working!!!

Do you have migraines? What causes yours? What meds do you use?

A Sick One

Except it is me this time........once again. I have been on 2 different antibiotics in the last three weeks. The sore throat and ear ache came back yesterday. I feel like pooh! I called the ENT and he is very concerned since the right side (that was reconstructed) is stopped up again. The bones had fused together and they had to break and reconstruct them. The pressure is so bad and my face actually hurts. I go EARLY in the morning to be worked in. Please say a prayer.

Blessings!

I'm 17 Again!

HAHA! I had to go to the dermatologist today, for breakouts. The doctor examined my ENTIRE body for skin cancers since my Dad and Mom have had it and 3 aunts and my Grandfather passed away from it. She said I have 5 places to watch. She'll see me in a year unless they change before then. HOWEVER, my face, back, chest and neck are broke out with acne. She asked if I ever wanted to turn back time. I answered not really and she said she was surprised, I should feel like a 17 year old. Too funny!!! I have never really had any major break outs, even in high school-until now! Oh well.

Hope you had a great day!

Blessings!!!!

I Am Only Human Part 2

Mrs. Darling over at Dishpan Dribble wrote a post after I had written my post (and she had commented here)below and I just wanted to clarify things a bit. I am uncertain if it had anything to do with me or not. However, just to clarify............

I love my life and I am certainly not depressed. Sometimes I just like to get my feelings out of paper when I am feeling overwhelmed (which I was when I wrote the below post). I still feel overcome by all of the things I speak of (which is why we are purging through our home). We have clothes that we haven't worn in years, too many coats and shoes that I have recently outgrown (my feet are growing at age 33!). The boys have toys that they have outgrown and we have acquired too many possessions from loved ones that have passed on. And so on so forth.

I juggle a lot and I mean a lot. Things are let go when I cannot manage them and having twins is trying at times. (I am not the one that moans and groans when my children are hungry). I love to make sure my children eat and eat properly-coming from near death experiences in the NICU-more than once and Little John still underweight......I love to see them eat! :)

I am not the type to sit on my laptop for hours or to watch tv all day. I read for 15-30 minutes a couple of times a day. I take my vitamins, I take iron (for anemia), I drink plenty of water and so on so forth. I need to exercise. John and I talk after we go to bed, that is our time.

I do want to crawl out of bed of a morning. Sometimes it would be nice to sleep in since I am lacking in that area (due to children waking in the night) but I do like to be busy and get my day going. Speaking of that I try to arise each morning before the others and do my devotion and spend time with him. I use the Proverbs 31 site online. I do not spend enough time in His word though.

I hope this clarifies things a bit. I think most women feel this way from time to time but I am a happy, positive person for the most part. God is good and he provides. I love my life and am happy to serve where he takes me.

Oh and Nikki, unfortunately I do not have a basement or an attic. I wish we did.

Blessings!!

I Am Only Human

My heart is heavy lately, my shoulders weighted down with things (mostly everyday life). Sometimes I wonder just how YOU do it? How do you manage everything, you know, life?

While June through November are chaotic with the farm and harvest, markets and the like, this "
off time" seems almost as hectic if not worse. I feel like a chicken running across an 8 laned interstate without a head.

I have a plan, I use a daily docket to manage my day to day things. I have a master list for all of my to-do's that need accomplished, I make and use a monthly meal plan, we use Pear Budget to manage a monthly budget, I am organized when it comes to the boys, activities, homeschooling, health and meds (yes, they still have their very own category-they each take between 5 and 7), I teach a small group class, take meals once a week to my aunt and uncle and cook meals on a regular basis for my parents (which I have slacked on of late). I try to exercise but there is never enough time. I do not want to admit it but I have not been making time for HIM either. (I haven't been reading my Bible like I should.)

As far as John and I go we are okay but we both long for better, there is just not enough time. He is working 6 days a week and leaves shortly after the boys get up of a morning and gets home JUST in time to tuck them in at night. On Sundays we have church, choir and small groups. There is little or no time for just "us"!

The boys birthday is approaching fast and I have all the final touches for that. I have just started the long road to the dental work on my teeth and that is consuming in more ways than one. I do once a year spring cleaning and that will be coming up in April. I also have been pricing and preparing for a yard sale next month. My hair was just too much (too long) and I had it cut short (short for me-shoulder length or a little above).

My Mom's birthday is Valentine's day and I have to prepare for that. Order pizza and the cheesecake, presents and such.

I also have decided that less really is more! I have started purging EVERYTHING in our house. I constantly am asking do we need this, are we really using this, can we do without this???

can you believe that next month we will start planting the crops? The tree crops all look great, right now.........that is subject to change. We also have so much outside work to do around our home (landscaping, driveway, building a back deck, weather proofing, etc.). Then there are times that I wonder if I am doing well as a Mommy? Are the boys learning enough? What else can I do to incorporate the Bible in this and that.......I don't think I am doing enough of that. Someone asked the boys the other day what memory verse we were working on.........I felt so ashamed.....cause we have been skipping that of late. They just don't get it.

Then I am dealing with sentimental things. Our house is only so big. This goes back to purging....... how do you get rid of this or that. Why do we have a cowboy hat of my dead mil that was bought 10 years ago and wore once. Why do we have dusty and stained down feather pillows that belonged to my hubby's dead grand mom (we have other things that belonged to both of them and lots of them). He does not like to part with things but I cannot stand all of the stuff! These "things" are not going to bring them back. We have end tables, coffee tables, a HUGE stereo, homemade chest of drawers that belong to someone dead that he loves....... I love John. I just don't like all of the stuff. Grant it I keep small things, like of the boys from their NICU stays and their going home outfit and so on so forth. Speaking of which I also have my wedding dress and bouquet. Do you have yours? Where do you store it? I don't know what to do with mine.......

And last but not least I am publishing a cookbook. I started the process 5 years ago and then I found out I was expecting multiples and well it is still on hold. I have the goal of finishing it next year. The boys will go to pre k4 full time even in my off time next year, so i will have the time to devote then.

I'll stop now, I know I am rambling. So how do YOU manage everything? What do you "keep"? Are you sentimental? I just some insight to how you do.

Reading List 2010

I used to love to read. Well, actually I still love to read but since the boys were born there has not been much time. However, this year I am taking a little time for me. What about that? That's a first for me, huh? Anyhow, I have 20 book below to read this year. There is no particular order and I am not giving myself a timetable, just this year. So without further ado:




Amy over at momadvice is reading this and she has always been a great inspiration to me. She is doing a wonderful job reviewing this book and she is behind my purchasing it. Thanks Amy!

This is my Bible I have at home. I have had it a couple of years and really like it. I have read the Bible a couple of times over in a year and want to do it again this year.

We so love us some Dave Ramsey. This is a simply insightful book and it has a wealth of knowledge in it. We are needing help with retirement, college and investments. This should help us out with those issues.

I have great kiddos but they are typical children and I am a first time Mom. This was recommended by a child development specialist friend. I love to learn about my kiddos and what I can do be a better Mommy.

I have read one of Jonni's others books and enjoyed it tremendously. However, I loaned it to a friend and have not seen it since. This one has the same terrific recipes in it and some new topics as well.

I saw this one someone's elses reading list and it looked like a great read. So, there you have it.

I am all about organization and this one is "magic"! We shall see.

I just want to be the best parent that I can. I am always looking for a great parenting handbook.

I love Ellie Kay and she has great tips on finance.

I know, another one............hehe!

Sometimes we forget what is most important and for me that is my husband. Having something to remind me of how to do that in our marriage is a plus!

Still organizing! I like her books and the layout she uses.










What can I do as a parent to promote good habits in my boys? Well, I am about to read all about it.

Living Simply: Choosing Less in a World of More was on Crystal's list over at moneysavingmom. It looks like a great read!

This also was on Crystal's list as well. It looks like a wonderful read for anoy mother.

I love to save money and I am always look for ways to learn more about it.

A friend of mine just finished this and recommended it. I hope it does not disappoint.

Always looking for new ways to help my child mind and that is one hard task sometimes.

The marriage class we went through at our church was based a lot on this book and I thought a little review would be helpful to freshen up the facts.

I have been reading Mary's blog, owlhaven for a couple of years and her book has great reviews, so I though why not?!

So, are you a reader? Do you have a list for this year? What do you recommend? Have you read any of the books above?

Blessings!!!

Back From the Dentist

Okay, so it was not as bad as we first thought. Bad enough though. Thank you for the prayers.

Today was cleaning, exam and x-rays.

Here's the plan for now: (since insurance will only cover so much)

3 crowns with buildup

I go back in a couple of weeks to get started. There is more to be done, but this is the most serios for now. We will shell out a little over a $1000 for this (above) AFTER insurance. I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. NOT!

I already have 7 crowns and much much more.......

I hope the boys inherit John's dental genes. Both of my parents had full dentures by the age of 24. They both had bad teeth. No matter how much I brush, floss and whatever they are bad each dental visit.

Do you have good teeth? Do you go to the dentist on a regular basis?

Blessings!!!

Not Excited

I am so not excited this morning. I am going to the dentist and i am so dreading it. It always takes forever and this is D day. Just say a little oprayer please, i will explain when I get home. I will leave you with one thought. Dentures................yuck!

Blessings!!!

At A Loss.......Where To Begin

I am getting better little by little and gaining strength. I went back to the doctor yesterday and still no lifting over 5#, stooping or bending. I am still having issues with bleeding. I even drove the hour to the doctors (my Mom went too). I am feeling better but the junk coming from my nose is nasty and after the suctioning and spraying out at the doctor yesterday day....yuck! He was even digging in there with super long tweezers! Just saying. I go back in two weeks to the doctor. I also am rinsing my sinuses with salt water twice daily. It burns!!!!! Then I am using the saline spray every thirty minutes or so while awake. I am still taking one antibiotic and have two weeks of it left.I also now have a yeast infection....I did Diflucam today......hope it works!

Now, onto bigger things, more important anyhow......my Daddy is sick, stroke level sick. Last year some of you may remember that he was having severe pains in the head(August or September), which resulted in a neurosurgeon getting involved and we thought for awhile he had a brain tumor only to find out the spot on the brain was scar tissue from a stroke. Well, the pains started again last night and got so bad this morning Mom took him to Birmingham to the er. No stroke showed up on the brain scan. His blood pressure was 180/90 and he is already on 2 bp meds. Not good. The doc seemed to think he has been under too much stress and gave him pain pills. They released him. He already had an appointment with the neuro doc this coming Tuesday......now I hope he will keep it!

Please pray for him........the pain is horrendous! He is so uncomfortable and it leaves his head tender and his cheek with a burning sensation......
Thank you for your prayers and I will keep you posted.

Have a blessed weekend!

Yesterday, Today

Yesterday was better. Not great but good, it was doable. I functioned without prescription pain meds, only Tyneol. The pain, burning in the eye was better but worse at times today. Yesterday my mom came and did some laundry, some odds and ends and we spent a great few hours together, just us. It was much needed! I slept, two, two hour naps to be exact. Our pastors' wife and daughter came and brought an elaborate meal, delicious it was!

Today my friend, Monica bought my groceries, my parents are taking and picking up the boys as we have been blessed that John has gotten to work all week (and tomorrow too)! I am getting there. I just cat napped today and tonight managed the boys by myself for a couple of hours without incident. My Mom bathed them and helped with supper (she and my Daddy ate with us).

There is still lots of drainage and clots. I still am vomiting some from the drainage and have lost 12 pounds since last Tuesday. I need to lose more but this is a bad way to lose it.

I go back to the doctor Friday.

We are blessed and the wind is slowing building back up in my sails. Thank you for your prayers!

Hugs and Blessings!

Rough Day

Today started off with plans and ended with a Lortab and bed. I had a bad bleed out (from left sinus area) and managed to stop it on my own with doctors and the dear Lord's help. We also have determined that maybe a nerve was "messed with" behind the left eye and is causing awful pain, twitching, burning and irritation. The drainage is still tremendous as well as the severe headache and general tenderness. I am exhausted and worn down today, hopefully tomorrow will not be as "rough".
Goodnight......... and blessings!

Back in the Saddle

Well, not quite, if you count sitting upside down with the saddle on the horses belly. LOL! I am still feeling pretty rough. Yesterday was the best and the worse day of the last few. By that, I mean I went back to the doctor and he removed the 2 pounds of packing (all total about a foot). It was so gross and man it hurt! As the doctor was gently pulling it out it felt like my brains were coming with it. Then he sprayed and suctioned and repacked a little to stop the bleeding. Then I could breath out my nose! YAY! The worse part of the whole ordeal was not being able to breath through my nose and when I ate/talked. I could not breath because my throat being blocked. It was crazy and I am so thankful the packing is gone.

The bad parts now is using the spray every 15-30 minutes in my nose, the clots of blood and yuckiness going down the back of my throat and the pain in my face (the swelling is virtually gone-due to the packing being removed). It hurts to cough, sneeze or touch my face or head for that matter. I still cannot lift much and no stooping or bending as I am light headed much of the time. But, the good news is that the infection is gone and I am on my way back! Praise the Lord!

My parents kept the boys overnight from Monday through Thursday and I do not know what we would have done without them. My Mom made jello, baked sweet potatoes, apple cake, scalloped apples and many other yummies for us and my queasy tummy.

Belinda and Monica cooked a meal each and John tried his hand at cooking supper last night and did a terrific job! He has been amazing! I thank the good Lord for such a great husband!

We are going to get the boys out in a little while after their naps and let them play. I am looking forward to a little sunshine!

Thank you for praying for my uncle, he is very sick and they are stilling working to stabilize him enough for 5 bypasses on Wednesday. Please keep him in your prayers, his name is Tom.

The owner of the boys school/daycare is still having an awful time with the unexpected death of her husband. Please pray for Ms. Lisa and her family. The funeral was today.

I hope all is well and I hope to catch up soon!

Blessings!!!!