Wednesday, February 18, 2009

'I Don't Know What To Tell Ya Hon"

These were not the words of encouragement I was hoping for from my hubby this morning as I called him in tears.

A little back ground from the last couple of weeks. I am sick, the boys have been sick, but are better, Hubby is working ungracious hours and getting home long after the boys are in the bed. He is leaving most mornings by 4 am and not getting home until 8 or 9pm. I am tired and to make matters worse the cold I have is worse. The nausea will not go away and hits at all times of the day, my appetite is very poor and My cycle that I only have once very three months (due to anemia) is due within days.

I have turned into a wicked, evil woman that needs a little time for herself. I love my boys, but enough is enough!

My typical morning is awake 4am pack hubby's lunch and get him off to work. Go back to bed. Up by 5:30am. I do devotion, pray, read Bible , check email and then start getting ready (shower, hair, makeup, dress, make bed). Then i usually get the boys out of their rooms between 6:30 am and 7am. If i cannot have my time with God in the mornings things are so bad during the day........

If the boys need to potty/change pullups, that is fine, But we have one rule, you must stay in your room otherwise. They do not want to do this anymore. First of all, do not tell me they should NOT have to stay in their rooms. they have gates up in their doorways and just take them down when feel like it. the point to leaving them up is for their safety and so i can hear them come out of their rooms (say in the middle of the night).

We have tried everything. I have become this awful Mommy the last few days. I just want a little time to get it together in the mornings before them running loose the rest of the day. We have tried sticker charts, spanking, rewards, taking privileges (toys, ect.). I am so tired. I am at wits end and need help. Please share your advice. Suggestions please!

Blessings!

27 comments:

Nikki said...

I know women who have had to lock their sons (why is it always sons?) in their rooms. They had to turn the doorknob backwards so the lock was on the outside. I'm not saying that you need to do that because I don't know that whole situation. I do have a question for you: do you have to get up with your husband? I'm sure that he appreciates it, but would he be just as happy if you stayed in bed and got a little more sleep? Again, I don't know because I don't know your situation.

Southerner said...

I don't think it makes you a bad wife to prepare your husband's lunch the night before and stay in the bed. You need sleep and rest for your body to function properly. I know what not getting enough sleep each night does to you after doing papers for 6 years. I was walking in a fog and felt overwhelmed. This is going to be a time of your life where it is a struggle- just having the boys at the age they are (big enough to move but not really do for themselves) Remember to take it one day at a time, one hour at a time. I hope you can find some rest and comfort soon, sorry to hear how you are feeling. I just hope that it helps to know that it is normal and we all go through these times. YOU WILL MAKE IT- keep going and rest to get yourself better.

whittybrooke said...

I'm in the process of writing you an email so I'll say more there, but I just wanted you to know how sorry I am it's been so rough for you. And you were right...we do have so much in common!! I begged my kids just this morning to fend for themselves for a little while so that I could get some extra rest, but it didn't last very long. So I feel your pain and will be praying for you today.

Mimi said...

Hi Marva, As a mom of twins, I know exactly what you're going through. Can you just let your kiddos get up and play at the table with some playdough,color, watch veggie tales or barney,a sand table, or play with blocks while you do your prayer? That's what I did with my kids. At this age they are active and they are fast learners, becoming independant and developing their own little personalities. Everyone is diffferent, but I would suggest altering your own routine to fit in with the kids at this age. Otherwise you'll be even more miserable. You know best, though, it's your family and mom is always right.
Hope you feel better soon.
Hugs to you, Mimi

Marva said...

isn't that weird? Do you think girls are easier to raise Nikki? just curious, since I have none.

Nope, I don't have to get up with hubby, but he is one of those that ries to be quiet and can't and therefore always wakes me up.

He probably would be just as happy if I got a little more rest. If he could be quiet.

The lockign them in their rooms isn't an option. they would freak out and so would I. Not passin g judgement though......whatever works.

Thank you for everything......blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Holly! I am going to start doing all of his lunch the night before and he can add the ice box to it before he leaves for work.

Blessings!

Marva said...

I got your email whittybrooke and replyed. Thanks for the encouragement. Blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Mimi! I just want my kids to sleep and then play in their rooms for awhile.

This morning they were up from 3:30am on and wanted out of their rooms then to play. That doesn't work at this house. They cannot sit still long enough for me to pray and do devotion sadly. And to make things worse there would be no way I could keep my train of thought. Some mornings it takes me 20 minutes to pray, because my heart is so heavy and I need that time with my heavenly Father, ya know?

I pray periodically throughout the day but I need to start my morning in the word. I am usually done with prayer, devotion and Bible reading and showered by 6:30, but when they keep at each other and run through the house it takes much longer.

We have prayer with the boys at each meal and devotion and prayer at bedtime.

Thanks for your insite as a fellow twin Mom. Blessings!

Nico said...

I hope that you feel better soon. I have those days where nothing seems to work, but I do my best to hang in there and hope for the best. Wishing you well, and sending big hugs your way.

Mrs. Darling said...

I too was going to suggest that you make hubbys lunch at night. Somethings got to give. The fact that the kids are waking up so early suggests to me that they dont need as much sleep as they are getting. Are they still taking naps? You may consider cutting those out at this age. My girls napped past 2 years old but Peter never did. Another suggestion might be to put them to bed later in the evening. Ive parented for 26 years and I know there is really nothing you can do about the boys waking up so early. Somehow they have to get more tired, excuse the poor grammar there but thats just the facts.

As for your morning time it looks like you will have to cut something out. The only two things I can see to cut are checking the email and making the bed. The world doesnt stop if the bed isnt made. Yeah I know I have writtnen gobs of posts on keeping a clean house but somethings are more important than bed making.

You also might consider a quick prayer time in the morning and save the Bible reading and longer prayers for bedtime.

I cant believe Im suggesting this but it might be helpful to have them watch a video in the morning in the safety of their room while you get ready. We've never allowed TV's in our childrens rooms but I wouldnt have a problem at all of putting a small one in on a shelf to help make the morning go more smoothly. Barney got me through many a hard day. :)

Marva said...

Thanks Nico! Hugs and prayers are ALWAYS appreciated! Blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Mrs. D! We tuck the boys in around 8pm each night, sometimes they go right to sleep and other times they may read or play with a small toy while they lay in the bed.

They are both ready and asking to go nap nap by 12pm each day. Monkey sleeps 2 hours and Tiger sleeps one during naptime. If you wake monkey up before the day for him is a shambles. He is so tired and ill.

I wish there was some way thye could play outside more often and wear down better.......but with their health issues and the cold that isn't possible right now. WE get them out as often as possible. I am looking forward to the playyard for that reason! ;)

As far as putting a tv in their rooms, ummmm they play with the plug ins and cords. I am afraid they would turn it over on themselves. I like that idea though, just for the morning time.

Yes, we love Barney here too and just added to our collection.;) Thank you for your help! You are a sweet friend. Blessings!

Nikki said...

Marva, I don't know if girls are easier than boys; I just know that MY girl is easier than MY boy. John tries to be quiet in the morning, too, and he wakes me up. Finally, after about five or six years of it, now I can sleep through some of it. Give it a try. Eventually, you'll get used to his noise and be able to sleep through it. I hope.

Mamaoftwins said...

ahh, you poor thing. First off your not a bad wife or mom so wipe that idea right out of your vocab!

Since Ive been there done that what worked for me is getting him off to work in the morning with a kiss (my dh loves that) and having his coffee and lunch ready for him. I also made lunches the night before. Everything is laid out the night before. I made sure all clothes he needed to wear was washed, lunch was made, he knew where his keys were etc. and then after he leaves do your devotions, emails, and anything else you need to do before the boys get up. Also for this short time in your life (remember, this too shall pass) start going to bed earlier or taking a nap yourself when the kids are down for theirs. :) HTH

Julie @ blessedwithfive said...

Hi Dear Marva . . . I too have a little one that wants to be up and about early. I try to keep him in bed just a few minutes longer by letting him watch Mickey Mouse. He is still in our bed . . . Once the renovation is done, he will have his own bed and we too will be using a gate.

Have you tried using a gate that hooks into the door frame? There is a taller one that you can purchase that the gate swings open after you unlatch the gate at the top. That way, the boys have no option other than staying in their room.

We plan on putting one on our youngest's room and have for the other boys when they were younger as well. We look at it safety first.

Mamaoftwins said...

Hi, I just tagged you for a post on where you blog. If your not up to it I completely understand so dont stress. Go to my blog for details if you feel like joining in :)

Michelle said...

I get up with my husband every morning at 4:30am to pack his lunch and just to see him a few minutes without the children around, it's kinda like a little us time even if its at 4:30am.

I don't blame you for taking a moment of the mornings before the boys can come out, the are safe and and I am sure of plenty of things to play with in their room. Every mommy needs a break, if I lived close I would babysit and let you have the day to yourself.

Feel better soon.

MyKidsMom said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so run-down. Your boys sound like mine when they were little, except of course there was a little more space between them:)Sometimes I just didn't know if I could hang in there with hubby working so much. I stopped getting up with my hubby years ago, he insisted because it just wore too much on me. Maybe you would get up at that time anyway, I don't know. But I definitely agree that something needs to give, other than your sanity that is. A little time alone is a must for a stay-at-home (or any other) mom.

Marva said...

Thanks again Nikki! I made his lunch ;last night and am trying to stay in bed with my eyes closed at least this morning! Blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Ellie! You are a dear friend! It helps too that you have twins! I am trying......I'll keep you posted. Blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Julie! What kind of gate is it (who makes it). I would like to check into that! thanks again! Blessings!

Marva said...

Thanks Michelle! I am trying. Hubby is ready and out the door in 15 minutes in the am. I'm glad that works for you and your hubby though. Great idea! Blessings!

ASHLEY said...

Marva,
Can you try doing your praying and devotional time after you pack your hubbys lunch in the morning? Before you go back and lay down. I know sometimes it is so difficult with little ones. Mahaila is over a year old now, and still wakes up during the night. It has just become part of my nightly routine. Sorry I couldn't help more.

Marva said...

Thanks MyKidsMom! It does wear on you! Yes, something has to give! Hugs and Blessings!

Mamaoftwins said...

I would like to pass along an award to you. I'd be honored if you would go by and pick it up. Ellie :)

Heather said...

Hang in there Marva! I am not at that stage yet, right now the infant is driving me nuts with night wakings. My toddler has always been a good sleeper. I'll be sending prayers of patience your way!

Leahann a.k.a Kimberly's Mommy said...

I think that locking their bedroom doors would freak me out too. I do however have a friend that ended up cutting the top portion of her son's door off. That way she could lock his door to keep him in but he wasn't closed off in there from everything. Maybe you could do something like that and make their doors kind of like a dutch door. I totally understand your needing some time for yourself before you start your day. Hope you feel better and can get some well needed rest soon.