Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Everyone has style, right? At least at some point in their lives. I am wondering where and when mine disappeared? I was stylish, at least a little before my pregnancy. I was really stylish during my pregnancy and then........NOTHING!

I have little time for myself. I take little time for myself. I really dislike that! I hate being FAT! Yes, I actually just typed that! I am overweight and was doing something about it. I have gained back some of the 10 pounds that I lost in the last month. I cook, I eat, I love food! I could make excuses, but really there are none.

Motivation, I have motivators a thousand of them to be exact. My parents offered me a $1000 shopping spree to lose 35 pounds (that would be a healthy, realistic weight for me). I had open heart surgery and was given a new life. I have a wonderful husband and two adoring children that deserve a better me! I deserve a better me! I am so ashamed.

I went to my closet to get dressed for my hair appointment and just almost let the tears go. I like to feel pretty, who doesn't? How can i, when my clothes are too small and what fits is worn out. We have extra money in our budget for clothes but where do I start? When do I start?

I will have 40 or more relatives at my house on Saturday for my Mom's 65th surprise birthday party. Some I have not seen in years. They remember me as the 135 pound, 5'10", classy girl that won pageant after pageant. Land sakes!

I am having my hair highlighted this afternoon. That usually helps. I hate my glasses, I mean I hate wearing my glasses. I want to wear my contacts again, I want eye surgery, but my eyes are not healthy enough for either. I need new glasses. I want someone to tell me you need this, let's try these.

I need bras and panties to come to think of it. I actually ordered both and neither fit, correctly.

My buck teeth (temporary crowns on my front two teeth are not helping. They are soooooooo sooooooo UGLY! My permnament ones will be placed in Thursday! Praise the Lord!

I really don't know where I am going with this. I do know I am going to make an appointment to get fitted for a good, really good bra. I know I will have a new outfit for this weekend. I will have blonde roots once again and painted, manicured fingernails and neatly pedicured toenails.

I will put on a smile and make everyone feel welcomed, show off my babies, hug on my Mom and sing to her and pretend all is well in my world.

Monday I am going start whipping my own butt into shape (excuse my language) and start finding myself (and my style) again!

Sorry for venting. I just needed a rant. Thank you for listening.


ASHLEY said...


Mamaoftwins said...

Big hugs for you!! Im going through the same thing you are right now. Your not alone. I hate seeing people I havent seen in years. I know there looking at my chubby face and funky haircolor I do myself (I refuse to get my hair done with our money situation right now) Just remember that people that really care about you and love you wont see any of the inperfections you say you have (remember we ALL have them) but they will see the wonderful, beautiful person that you are as a mother, wife, friend,and relative.

Anonymous said...

Marva we all have body image issues whether we are thin, obese, fluffy, puffy or frumpy. Coming from my standpoint of having been obese all my life and losing the 108 lbs so far I don't know how to deal with my changing body and body image.

You can and will lose that 35 lbs. I know you will. Instead of investing in transition clothes till you hit goal weight I suggest thrift or consignment shoppes.

I have some wonder accountability tools for weight loss if you would like them just email me at Vicki_Browning2003@yahoo.com and I will be glad to give them to you.

You don't have to be a weight loss surgery patient to use these tools. They are geared for anyone wanting to lose weight.


Anonymous said...


Mimi said...

I was just talking to my daughter the other day about how I became a plain jane mom after she and her twin brother were born. The problem is, I kind of like being low maintenance with the hair and makeup. I feel OK showing the world the real me without makeup or my nails done. I'm just working on my wardrobe, and trying to dress in more trendy looking clothes. I don't think that you look fat at all in your photos, but losing weight for your health is a good thing. I'm sure that you can do it!

Nikki said...

Go ahead and rant! That's why we're here!

Steph at Problem Solvin' Mom said...

It can be so hard to make time for ourselves with little ones! Hope you're able to find some "me" time and relax and rejuvenate!

Big Hugs,

Leahann a.k.a Kimberly's Mommy said...

You're certainly not alone in your feelings. I think as mothers we all have a hard time in making time for ourselves. And when it comes to shopping there is always something that the kids need that comes ahead of what we want or need. Go out and get yourself a new outfit for your mom's party and get yourself all dressed up. Then enjoy the party. And go out and buy yourself a couple of new staples...black pants, white shirt, and take some time for yourself. And don't forget you are beautiful.